5 Steps for Acknowledging Microaggressions

“May I speak with you?”

Léonce looks up to see Izumi, his coworker in the business’s legal department, standing at his desk. “Uh… yes?” he says after a pause. “Lunch is in 15 minutes, if that works?”

Izumi nods, returning to her cubicle across the hall. 15 minutes passes in no time, and all the while Léonce wonders what she wants to speak with him about. None of their assignments really overlap, as far as he can recall, but maybe there’s some new project he just doesn’t know about yet?

Léonce joins Izumi at one of the corner tables in the break lounge. “Is everything alright?” he asks, and Izumi tilts her head.

“Yes. Sort of.” She sighs. “I just wanted to tell you that the… ‘joke’ you made the other day, about Asians and hard-to-pronounce names—I don’t think it was appropriate.”

“Oh. Oh, that.” Léonce fights back a wince. Dang. Had he hurt her or anyone else with that joke? He hadn’t meant to be rude—really, it was all in good fun.

Record scratch, freeze frame.

Hi folks! I think what we’ve got here is a learning experience! Léonce is coming to the realization that he unwittingly perpetrated a microaggression: he made a racially based “joke” that was crude, rude, and in poor taste. Does this mean Léonce is the most horrendous person to ever walk this planet? Of course not! In our journey to becoming more inclusive, respectful individuals, we will all slip up, be it making a “joke” that perpetuates hurtful stereotypes or simply not realizing the impact of our own privilege. So, what can we—and Léonce—do when someone comes to us and shares that they were hurt by a microaggression we perpetrated? Let’s walk through seven key steps:

1. Listen and Validate:

When someone shares these important feelings with us, we should give that person our full attention and actively listen to their perspective without interrupting or becoming defensive. Additionally, it is crucial that we validate their feelings and moreover acknowledge the impact our words or actions had on them. Even if our intent was not to hurt anyone, intent doesn’t erase impact. They were hurt by our words, and we should recognize that harm.

Léonce nods to Izumi. “Thank you for sharing this with me. I appreciate your honesty, and I’m sorry that my words hurt you.”

2. Apologize and Take Responsibility:

Active listening means holding ourselves accountable, starting with a genuine apology for the harm we may have caused. Importantly, taking responsibility means doing so without making excuses or minimizing the feelings of the person who has chosen to be open with us. A good idea is to use “I” statements, as doing so encourages us to be more direct in acknowledging our own agency and fault in causing harm, regardless of our intent.

“And I want to apologize for making that joke,” Léonce continues. “Like you said, it was insensitive and inappropriate. I shouldn’t even call it a joke. It was just rude of me, and I’m truly sorry.”

Izumi stares at him, then nods. “I appreciate your apology.”

3. Reflect and Learn:

From there, I find it important that we express our commitment to growing and learning from the experience. We might share our intention to reflect on our behavior, to further grapple with the impact of our words, and to make changes moving forward. Additionally, we can assure the person that we value their perspective and intend to take their feedback seriously.

Léonce struggles to articulate that he appreciates Izumi confronting him about his words. In particular, he fears coming off as a bit pretentious. Finally, he lands on the following: “I think it goes without saying that I won’t make that ‘joke’ again. But I’m also going to be more mindful of any other jokes I say in the future, too.”

His words are a little clunky, he’ll be the first to admit. But Léonce means what he’s saying—he really does. And he thinks Izumi knows it, too, as a hint of relief seems to flicker across her features, tension slowly draining from her shoulders.

4. Ask for Further Clarification (if needed):

It is always beneficial to ask for clarification to gain a deeper understanding of the specific microaggressions that occurred. Seeking clarification allows us to ensure we fully comprehend the person’s perspective and can avoid similar mistakes. I want to emphasize, though, that we must be mindful of others’ comfort levels and boundaries in discussing the topic further. If they seem uncomfortable, then you may want to stop! Thanks to the internet, a plethora of research is at our fingertips that we can always dive into on our own time.

Léonce is tempted to ask Izumi for the specifics regarding the issues with his “joke,” but to some extent, he can admit these issues are obvious. Even if they weren’t, now does not feel like the time or place to request this opinion from his coworker. He’ll do some research of his own tonight, he decides, instead of putting the onus of explanation onto Izumi.

5. Avoid Being Defensive:

When we are confronted with the negative impact of our words, it is perfectly normal—natural, even!—to feel defensive. In turn, the key is to a) recognize the possibility of defensiveness and b) focus on being intentionally open during the conversation. For example, we should avoid making excuses or trying to explain “what we really meant,” as this type of behavior is more likely to invalidate the other person’s feelings. Remain attentive to the matter-of-fact: the experience itself and the direct impact of our words and actions.

“Thank you for being so open about this,” Izumi says after a pause. “I tried to have a similar conversation with… well, with someone I don’t want to name the other day about a ‘joke’ they made, and…” She winces. “It did not go smoothly.”

Léonce finds himself grimacing in sympathy. “Ouch. What happened?”

She sighs. “He just… kept insisting he didn’t mean anything by it and that I shouldn’t have taken his words so seriously. That sort of thing.”

Léonce nods. “I’m sorry that happened.”

Izumi shrugs. “Some people don’t want to change. It’s not my job to force them.”

6. Reflect and Make Changes: On our own time, we should reflect on our own biases, beliefs, and behaviors. This reflection might involve considering how we can educate ourselves and actively work on unlearning harmful patterns and prejudices. By seeking out and participating in opportunities for personal growth and education, we are more likely to prevent the perpetuation of microaggressions in the future.

“You’re spot on there,” Léonce says. “And the same applies to me. You aren’t my teacher. It’s my responsibility to do better in the future.”

Izumi chuckles. “It is. But I’m still grateful you listened.”

7. Follow-Up and Rebuild Trust: After the initial conversation, it doesn’t hurt for us to follow up with the person who made themself vulnerable to us. We might check in on their well-being, see if there is anything else they would like to discuss, find out if they have any suggestions for moving forward. Rebuilding trust can take time, so it is of the utmost importance we are patient and consistent in demonstrating positive change.

Izumi checks the time on her phone. “I have to run, but thank you again for letting me speak with you.”

“No, thank you for coming to me,” Léonce says. “I’m the one who needs to do better here!” He pauses, then offers, “Next week—would you be open to having lunch together again? I’d be interested in talking about all of this more. To be sure I am actually doing better.”

Izumi responds with a small smile. “Sure,. I’ll let you know what my schedule looks like.”

Léonce can only chuckle and nod, and soon Izumi leaves the lounge and disappears down a side hall.

A successful conversation, Léonce decides. One that has left him with a lot to think about. And truth be told? He couldn’t feel more grateful.

When it comes down to it, the most important part of acknowledging our role in perpetrating microaggressions is genuinely listening, taking responsibility, apologizing, and committing to making change—both in ourselves and in our broader environment. After all, it takes effort and ongoing growth to unlearn harmful patterns, but through our actions, we can demonstrate that we are actively working towards a more inclusive, more respectful world.

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Dima Ghawi is the founder of a global talent development company with a primary mission for advancing individuals in leadership. Through keynote speeches, training programs and executive coaching, Dima has empowered thousands of professionals across the globe to expand their leadership potential. In addition, she provides guidance to business executives to develop diversity, equity, and inclusion strategies and to implement a multi-year plan for advancing quality leaders from within the organization.

Reach her at DimaGhawi.com and BreakingVases.com.

Let's Give Each Other Grace

I have a confession to make. I am terrible at learning people’s names. I’ve struggled with it ever since I was a child! I’d come home from school on the first day of the semester, smiling brightly about having met my new teacher, and my mom would ask, “What was her name?”

I’d freeze. “Uh…”

My mother would sigh, shaking her head and smiling with affectionate exasperation. “Oh, Dima.”

I would finally remember her name the final days of the semester! And you can imagine how excruciating history classes were for me. So many important figures—politicians, war heroes, inventors—and their names would all go in one ear and out the other. I wish I had an explanation, but the simple fact is that no matter how hard I try, I perpetually struggle to remember people’s names. I know faces, I know life details, I know aspects of their personality, but their names still escape me! So if you’ve ever wondered why I excitedly greeted you at an event but never referred to you by name—well, this would be the reason. haha

I recently gave a workshop about microaggressions and unconscious bias. One of the attendees was a German immigrant. When I asked if anyone had any questions or comments, he stood up and nearly burst into tears. He confessed that he was hurt because his team members did not say his name with the correct German way, i.e. with the true German pronunciation. It felt like they didn’t respect him, he said, or worse, that they simply didn’t care.

I bring up this incident to highlight two simultaneous truths:

1) This man’s feelings were entirely valid. I am no stranger to having my name mispronounced, and I understand that repeated mispronunciation—particularly from the same person or group of people—can begin to feel deliberate and disrespectful.

2) We must engage with situations such as these with grace. Not every mispronunciation is malicious or purposefully incorrect. Not every mispronunciation means our team members don’t respect us. Speaking broadly, there are often other behaviors that clue us in as to whether our coworkers are intentionally being rude when they mispronounce our names. Do they generally behave curtly around us? Do they go out of their way to avoid being near us? Do they refer to us snidely in conversations with others?

If someone mispronounces my name but has in no other way demonstrated ill will toward me, I believe the appropriate response is to give them grace. Correct them, politely request they address me appropriately next time, and move on to the next assignment. In the case of the German man, whose name was beautiful but indeed difficult to pronounce for non-native German speakers, I would advise that he keep the same advice in mind: give people grace. As long as people are trying, the best route of action is to bring them in, not push them away. If we assume everyone who slips up is deliberately failing in their inclusiveness, no progress will ever be made! Instead, we should offer others the same grace and forgiveness that we would want ourselves to receive when we make mistakes.

In conclusion: if I forget your name, I hope you’ll extend me a little grace. I would do the same for you!

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Dima Ghawi is the founder of a global talent development company with a primary mission for advancing individuals in leadership. Through keynote speeches, training programs and executive coaching, Dima has empowered thousands of professionals across the globe to expand their leadership potential. In addition, she provides guidance to business executives to develop diversity, equity, and inclusion strategies and to implement a multi-year plan for advancing quality leaders from within the organization.

Reach her at DimaGhawi.com and BreakingVases.com.

Are You Not a Fan of DEI? Then, This Blog is For You

I’ll be the first to admit that “diversity and inclusion” has become a buzzword. Where “diversity” should invoke the innate beauty of our world and “inclusion” should suggest a welcoming, warm environment, hearing “diversity and inclusion” or “DEI” causes some people to shut down in a blink. But here’s the truth: even people who are not fans of DEI almost certainly still believe that all individuals have dignity and worth! As such, today I want to walk through strategies a person who does not support DEI initiatives can take to still be inclusive and respectful of others.

1. Separate Personal Beliefs from Professional Conduct

Let’s delve into a hypothetical: meet Michael, a middle-aged man who works for—well, pick a business, any business! One of his coworkers comes out as trans. She announces that her pronouns are she/her and that she will now be going by Christina. Michael doesn’t fully understand everything about the LGTBQ+ community or why Christina had to publicly make this proclamation. He thought he knew this person, thought he knew them well, but now…

Here’s what’s important: whether or not Michael personally agrees with DEI and its advocacy for the trans community, it is essential to separate his personal beliefs from his conduct in a professional setting. Not referring to Christina by her preferred name and pronouns would be rude, plain and simple! I mean, imagine if someone called us by the wrong name and pronouns despite our multiple protestations—it’d be frustrating and discomforting at best, harassment and abuse at worst. As such, regardless of a person’s personal feelings toward DEI, they can still be inclusive by maintaining professionality. In this instance, It’s about treating people the way we want to be treated (the Golden Rule remains forever relevant!).

2. Seek Understanding through Dialogue

Returning to Michael: let’s say that he is currently in a meeting, where the main topic of discussion is their organization’s potential implementation of a talent pipeline—part of the company’s broader DEI initiatives. Truth be told, Michael does not see the need for this pipeline. The merit-based approach behind recruitment and advancement seems perfectly fine as is to him! When it’s his turn to comment, he does so politely and calmly. And when another manager offers a similarly polite counter to this statement, highlighting that a talent pipeline is meant to reinforce the merit-based nature of hiring and promotions, he nods and takes that point into consideration. The mutual respect is what’s key here! Michael is not enthused by the idea of a talent pipeline, but he actively listens in order to understand his coworker’s perspective instead of dismissing them out of hand. Again: one does not need to be a champion of DEI to create an inclusive environment.

Additionally, if one is willing to take this respectful dialogue a step further, I would also recommend educating oneself about the experiences and concerns of marginalized groups and how DEI can provide much-needed support. In other words, dare to push past the “politicized” nature of DEI and instead examine its practical purpose. How does DEI help create a more welcoming workplace? Why is this inclusive environment so necessary for all people, not just marginalized communities? If one is feeling particularly bold, consider attending workshops, conferences, or other events that discuss DEI-related topics. Regardless of what reservations one may hold, simply exposing ourselves to different viewpoints can expand our understanding and empathy. Even if we disagree with someone, it is always beneficial to get an idea of where they’re coming from, right?

3. Focus on Common Goals

“Mm, I’m not so sure I like that idea,” Michael says, shaking his head. “Wouldn’t creating ‘employee networks’ just leave a bunch of people out?”

“Not at all!” Christina says. “Employee networks are about bringing people in. The focus of these networks might be on a specific group, but membership isn’t exclusive to them. Let’s say you joined a group for veterans.”

Michael nods. “Sure.”

“I could also join that group to find out ways I could support our company’s veterans, even though I didn’t serve in the military. You could also join an LGBTQ+ employee network learn about the LGBT employees. Make sense?”

“I guess,” Michael admits after a pause. “But I still feel like creating specific groups is counterproductive to the supposed end goal of ‘inclusion.’”

He can tell Christina doesn’t quite agree with him, but she tilts her head in acknowledgment. “That’s fair.” Then she smiles. “But it sounds like you agree that the end goal should still be creating an environment where everyone has the support they need to succeed.”

Michael laughs. “I’d like to think that’s what everyone here wants!”

As this conversation illustrates, Michael isn’t totally on board with the idea of employee networks, often a key component of many organizations’ DEI initiatives. At the same time, his hesitance clearly does not mean he is against creating a supportive environment for all employees. Regardless of their individual beliefs on DEI, it is clear that Michael and Christina have a shared goal: investing in a work culture where any employee can succeed. From there, they and others can work collaboratively toward this common ground.

4. Engage in Self-Reflection

“Why are you so… not into DEI, anyway?” Christina asks.

Michael shrugs, swallowing a bite of his sandwich as he and Christina sit across from each other in the break lounge. “It feels unnecessary. Why make a big fuss about about inclusion? Shouldn’t that go without saying?”

“I can understand that,” Christina says. “But I think what DEI offers is specific avenues of making our workplace more inclusive, you know? Everybody needs a different kind of support because they’re all coming from different life experiences.” She offers him a sidelong grin. “I mean, look at us. Pretty different histories, am I right?”

Michael laughs. “Very different histories.” He takes a sip of his coffee. “I see your point. I guess my problem is with the hubbub. I don’t necessarily disagree that people should be given individualized support to help them succeed.”

“Is the ‘hubbub’ really such a bad thing, though?” Christina asks. “I mean, for me, it’s kind of nice to see people vocally supporting the trans community.”

Michael allows himself to pause before responding. “I don’t know. I think I’m the kind of person who’s used to letting things happen unsaid. My parents never made a big deal about anything when I was growing up, and I’ve kind of carried that with me through the years.”

The key element of this interaction is the way Michael turns his reflection inward. In considering Christina’s question, he contemplates what motivates his own perspective in contrast to hers—why he feels the way he does. He considers how the environment he grew up in may have shaped his beliefs. Should this example have continued further, we likely would have seen Michael hypothesize that if he’d been raised in a different environment, perhaps one more similar to Christina’s, would he still hold those same beliefs?

The advice of self-reflection can become a bit preachy, for lack of a better word. “We need to reflect on our own biases! Challenging our assumptions can help us grow and broaden our perspective!” These words are true, of course—I have written extensively about managing unconscious bias in the past—but repeating them over and over can feel a bit grating. As such, I want to revamp the phrasing! In terms of disagreeing with DEI, self-reflection means questioning the root of our concerns. Are we grappling with a lack of understanding? Is there a specific element of DEI that we chafe with? Once a person can pinpoint the specifics of their disagreement, finding common ground becomes more achievable (and less stressful, too!).

And there we have it: four strategies for people who oppose DEI to nonetheless play a part in creating a more inclusive, respectful environment for all. Perhaps this is optimistic of me, but I believe there is no goal more shared than wanting a workplace where everyone has the support they need to succeed!

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Dima Ghawi is the founder of a global talent development company with a primary mission for advancing individuals in leadership. Through keynote speeches, training programs and executive coaching, Dima has empowered thousands of professionals across the globe to expand their leadership potential. In addition, she provides guidance to business executives to develop diversity, equity, and inclusion strategies and to implement a multi-year plan for advancing quality leaders from within the organization.

Reach her at DimaGhawi.com and BreakingVases.com.

What to Do When Your Organization Doesn't Support DEI

After many of my most recent workshops, I have had person after person reach out to me with the same anxiety: “The company I work at isn’t truly prioritizing DEI,” they tell me. For some, this means their organization is all talk and no walk. For others, it means their company states outright that they are uninterested in pursuing DEI. Regardless, all who reach out to me confess the following: “I’m a minority at this organization. I feel like they aren’t making an effort to include me. What should I do?”

There is no single, straightforward, simple answer to this question. I wish there was! But fortunately, there are steps that those in this challenging situation can take to make the burden easier to bear. Let’s walk through them:

1. Self-Care

I know the internet has glorified the virtues of self-care time and time again, but self-care receives this high praise for a reason! Nothing is more important in this situation than tending to our well-being. Grappling with an organization’s lack of inclusivity can be physically and emotionally draining, and self-care provides us with the opportunity to manage our stress and maintain a positive outlook. Remember: self-care looks different for everyone, so we must find the avenue that works best for us as individuals.

2. Seek Support

Support can come in many forms. I encourage those of us dealing with an organization that is unwilling to fully engage with DEI to find individuals both within and outside of the company who can provide empathy and understanding. These people might include colleagues from similar backgrounds to us, our mentors, or even members of external support groups, all of whom may be able to offer advice or share their own experiences. Ultimately, they can provide a sense of belonging for those of us in this challenging situation—a reminder that we are not alone.

Beyond people who more directly share our experiences, I also encourage us to seek support through allies and alliances. Reach out to people in the organization who do support DEI, even if the larger administration does not. One might be able to find mentors or sponsors who can offer guidance and advocate on their behalf within the company. At the end of the day, having colleagues at our side who share our beliefs allows them to support and amplify our voices, again providing the emotional security that we are never as isolated as we may feel.

3. Know Your Rights

On the one hand, knowing one’s rights goes without saying. On the other hand, the some systems may make things difficult! I encourage all of us, but especially those stuck in organizations that lack dedication to DEI, to educate ourselves about our rights as an employee. We should familiarize ourselves with local labor laws and any company policies related to discrimination and harassment. From there, we will be more equipped to take action as needed in the face of violations. In that same vein, I also recommend keeping records of any instances of bias, exclusion, or abuse that we see or experience; important details to note would be dates, times, locations, and details of the incidents, including participants and witnesses. Having this information is essential if we find ourselves needing to report the situation at a later date.

4. Engage in Dialogue

As simple as this advice may seem, I would be remiss if I did not mention it. If one feels comfortable doing so, I encourage the initiation of conversations with colleagues or supervisors to raise awareness about the importance of DEI and creating a sense of belonging. In these conversations, we might share personal stories, experiences, and the positive impact that diverse perspectives can have on the organization at hand as well as more broadly. The goal of engaging in dialogue is to facilitate open and honest discussion on DEI—simple but crucial!

5. Find Other Opportunities

I hate to admit this, but deep down, we all know it is true: some organizations are not going to change. I know, I know! It’s terrible! More optimistically, we might say that some organizations will be very slow to change, only doing so when they see enthusiasm for DEI at the highest echelons of their business. When push comes to shove in these circumstances, I see two viable options. The first is to invest in developing our professional skills and expertise, allowing us to firmly posit ourselves as a valuable asset to the organizations. The ideal result? We can increase our influence and opportunities for advancement, thus bringing support for DEI along with us.

If we find ourselves in a business adamantly against DEI, however, where our advancement opportunities are unfairly limited or the exclusionary atmosphere becomes intolerable, the second viable option is this: explore external opportunities with organizations that actively value and promote diversity and inclusion. Simply put, we must ask ourselves whether or not our current business offers an environment that we can safely remain at work in. If the answer is no, there’s no shame in moving onward and upward!

At the end of the day, we must prioritize our well-being, and that means working in an environment that respects and values us. Who knows? If enough employees leave organizations that refuse to create an inclusive environment, maybe those companies will start to get the hint: DEI is of the utmost importance!

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Dima Ghawi is the founder of a global talent development company with a primary mission for advancing individuals in leadership. Through keynote speeches, training programs and executive coaching, Dima has empowered thousands of professionals across the globe to expand their leadership potential. In addition, she provides guidance to business executives to develop diversity, equity, and inclusion strategies and to implement a multi-year plan for advancing quality leaders from within the organization.

Reach her at DimaGhawi.com and BreakingVases.com.

Empower Board of Directors by Addressing Five Implicit Biases

My blog is no stranger to discussing the role of boards of directors in DEI, including the specifics of how they can facilitate diversity, equity, and inclusion. Today, I want to hone in on a more specific topic: what biases are most likely to appear during meetings of boards of directors? After all, board members are as susceptible to unconscious bias as the rest of us! Let’s walk through five of the most common:

1. Confirmation Bias:

This bias occurs when people only seek out and interpret information that confirms their existing beliefs. As such, in board meetings, confirmation bias manifests in the failure to consider alternate viewpoints and options. Let’s consider the following hypothetical!

So, how can boards address this bias? In simplest terms: don’t be afraid to push against the status quo. Boards should actively bring in a variety of perspectives and ask questions that may counter their personal feelings, as doing so encourages us to consider new modes of thinking, even if we ultimately disagree.

2. Availability Bias:

This bias occurs when people rely too heavily on information that is readily available to them, i.e. they don’t seek out more diverse or comprehensive sources of information. In board meetings, this overreliance can lead to overlooking important data or perspectives that are not immediately at hand. Although availability bias has a marked similarity to confirmation bias, the key difference is that confirmation bias involves seeking information/answers that support a preexisting opinion, while availability bias is simply limiting oneself to already available information. In other words, while these two biases often overlap and reinforce each other, they are not the same. Much like conformity bias, then, availability bias is best addressed by simply inviting in additional perspectives!

3. Anchoring Bias:

This bias occurs when people rely too heavily on the first piece of information they receive, using it as a reference point for all subsequent decisions. In board meetings, this overemphasis on a singular piece of information can lead to unnecessary prioritization of early proposals or suggestions rather than the exploration of a broader range of possibilities. Anchoring bias can be tricky to counter, as our brains tend to naturally hierarchize and frame knowledge with regard to a starting point, which is why we must make an intentional effort to challenge our reliance on early information.

4. Halo Effect:

As beautiful as this term might sound, the halo effect itself is not so lovely! This bias occurs when people allow one positive trait or characteristic to overshadow other aspects of a person’s performance or contribution. In board meetings, this inflation of goodness can lead to an overemphasis on the opinions or perspectives of certain individuals, where the possibility of considering a more diverse range of viewpoints goes overlooked. We address the Halo Effect is by questioning our perception of others and how that influences how we view their performance.

5. Groupthink:

Last but not least, this bias occurs when people in a group prioritize consensus and harmony over critical thinking and independent decision-making. In other words, in board meetings, groupthink can lead to a reluctance to challenge the status quo or express dissenting opinions. The consequence? A limited range of options are considered, which may lead to suboptimal decisions. To address groupthink, there must be a willingness to take a step back and a refusal to conform to the status quo.

There we have it! Five biases that often manifest in boards of directors’ meetings and how these biases can be addressed. Seeing as the boardroom is where some of the most important organizational decisions are made, it is also one of the most important places to challenge our biases. I tip my hat to all board members who are making an intentional effort to combat their unconscious biases in order to foster a working environment that is more inclusive for all!

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Dima Ghawi is the founder of a global talent development company with a primary mission for advancing individuals in leadership. Through keynote speeches, training programs and executive coaching, Dima has empowered thousands of professionals across the globe to expand their leadership potential. In addition, she provides guidance to business executives to develop diversity, equity, and inclusion strategies and to implement a multi-year plan for advancing quality leaders from within the organization.

Reach her at DimaGhawi.com and BreakingVases.com.

Challenging Conformity in Meetings

When it comes to conformity bias, it is easy to observe it in meetings. After all, the idea of sharing a different opinion or—dare I say it—challenging individuals with authority may intimidate even the most fearless! How can we manage this bias and stand against the status quo? Fortunately, I propose there is a simple solution to addressing this problem of conformity: start by asking five questions.

At the end of every meeting, 5-10 minutes can be dedicated to reviewing the following five questions, each of which targets certain facets of conformity bias. Straightforward, right? Let’s walk through each!

1. During the meeting, did we actively encourage the sharing of alternate perspectives and opinions?

The key to combating conformity bias is the solicitation of opposing viewpoints and of alternatives to existing responses. In doing so, we ensure diversity of thought and the active inclusion of every participant!

2. Were all team members offered equal opportunity to share their ideas?

Related to the previous question: it is important not only to encourage the sharing of different viewpoints but also to ensure all meeting attendees are being granted this opportunity to share. Remember, this sharing may manifest in different ways! Someone more introverted, for example, might feel more comfortable with sending in their thoughts via email prior to the meeting, and thus their higher-ups can integrate those ideas into the conversation.

3. Were there any moments during the meeting where you felt pressured to conform to a particular idea or perspective?

Peer pressure, unconscious or no, cannot be extricated from conformity bias. By recognizing the power of a group to sway someone’s opinion—or at least the opinion a person may voice aloud—we can potentially nip this issue in the bud, helping ensure our decision-making processes are informed more by honesty than conformity.

4. Throughout the discussion, did we continually challenge our biases and assumptions?

Remember, conformity bias is not only about following the group! It also refers to how we might accept certain perspectives or beliefs without questioning them. In other words, we may find ourselves unconsciously conforming to a dominant social mindset. To address this difficulty: openly discuss the biases and assumptions that come up during the conversation!

5. Did we consider potential pitfalls or weaknesses in our possible solutions or decisions?

In other words, it is crucial that we constantly consider what evidence we have to support our own perspectives and the final decisions we make. Regularly circling back to the “why”—why the conversation has moved a certain way, why this is the path we want to take, etc.—is key to preventing conformity bias from taking hold.

The facilitation of these five questions will depend on the specific organization and the group at hand. While discussing responses aloud can be valuable, I would encourage first giving people a way to respond privately—maybe they jot down a few responses, or maybe each question is followed with two check boxes: YES and NO, with a space below to expand on their response if people so desire.

At the end of the day, conformity bias means it is too easy for us to agree with others and to doubt ourselves. As leaders, we need to recognize that not all of our team members may feel confident speaking against dominant opinions. These questions, this end-of-meeting ritual, is therefore a way to address such a challenge.

So, what do you think? Are we ready to dive into this informal Q&A at the end of each meeting?

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Dima Ghawi is the founder of a global talent development company with a primary mission for advancing individuals in leadership. Through keynote speeches, training programs and executive coaching, Dima has empowered thousands of professionals across the globe to expand their leadership potential. In addition, she provides guidance to business executives to develop diversity, equity, and inclusion strategies and to implement a multi-year plan for advancing quality leaders from within the organization.

Reach her at DimaGhawi.com and BreakingVases.com.

3 Tips to Challenging Conformity at Work

Why do we conform? We all share the same desires of fitting in and belonging, including in our workplaces. Many individuals, however, feel like they must lose a piece of themselves in order to experience this inclusion. As leaders, we want our employees to feel comfortable bringing their whole selves to the workplace, where a person’s ability to embrace their uniqueness leads to productivity and innovation. Consequently, many of us emphasize that our workplaces are safe environments. And while this emphasis is important, it is not enough to challenge the insidious nature of conformity. In the past, I have gone over how managers can address conformity bias, but today I want to focus on more organization-based initiatives, where we must assume there is conformity happening in our workplaces and take intentional actions to challenge it. Let’s waste no time!

1. Identify conformity

An important element of challenging conformity in our organizations is being able to identify conformity. Workplace conformity can best be understood through behavior known as “covering.” In more technical terms, covering refers to the suppression of one’s identity, life experiences, appearance, and so forth in order to “fit” in with the dominant social structure. To translate that into my colloquial terms, covering can be understood as when people put a metaphorical mask on and try to act with a different identity than their own. For example, someone may go by a different name out of fear that people cannot pronounce their given name. A person may style their hair a certain way in order to be seen as “professional” and accepted. These behaviors and more all fall under “covering.” So what do we do about this?

Again, identification is the first step. Beyond the fact that we as leaders should keep an eye out for covering behaviors and note them as they happen, another useful strategy is to send out an anonymous survey polling employees on the extent to which they feel they must engage in covering. Consider the following sample questions:

• I feel included and respected at [name of organization].

  • Strongly agree

  • Agree

  • Neither agree nor disagree

  • Disagree

  • Strongly disagree

• Employees of all cultures and backgrounds are respected and valued at [name of organization].

  • Strongly agree

  • Agree

  • Neither agree nor disagree

  • Disagree

  • Strongly disagree

• When I speak up at work, my opinion is valued.

  • Strongly agree

  • Agree

  • Neither agree nor disagree

  • Disagree

  • Strongly disagree

Additionally, there might be follow-up open-ended questions where participants can expand on their reasoning behind each response. Keep in mind, however, that employees are not obligated to complete this survey, and we must therefore respect people’s wishes not to share particular information. Even when we suspect people may be engaging in covering behaviors, forcing them to discuss those experiences is beneficial to no one. Instead, we should focus on orienting our workplace culture to counter conformity! Let’s dive into the next step of this process.

2. Solicit feedback prior to meetings

Once elements of conformity have been identified, a crucial means of addressing it is to open different avenues for diverse thought. After all, challenging conformity means challenging dominant ideas, and the best way to challenge dominant ideas is to invite unique perspectives! While we may think of meetings as the perfect opportunity to solicit new insight, we must keep in mind that not everyone feels comfortable speaking up in these spaces. As such, different avenues of communication might include specifically facilitating thoughts via email prior to meetings, surveys, or even one-on-one conversations. Afterwards, it becomes the leader’s responsibility to incorporate those thoughts into the broader meeting, ensuring that everyone involved has exposure to these diverse perspectives and can thus challenge their own conformity to dominant ideas.

An important addendum: when employees take the intimidating step to offer unique insight and dare to challenge conformity, we must validate them for those efforts. This recognition does not have to be “public” or exaggerated; simply commending them during a one-on-one interaction gives them respect and credit for questioning the norm. Voicing a divergent idea can be difficult—recognize when people are brave enough to do so!

3. Change the mindset

Bringing the previous steps together helps reveal our third and final tip for challenging conformity in organizations: identify conformity, create avenues for individual expression, and in doing so begin changing the organizational mindset. Many of us cite the importance of embracing new ideas, but sometimes we fall short of truly doing so because we haven’t shifted our mindset. This struggle is normal! My advice, then, is to think “culture add,” not “culture fit.” The Association of Corporate Counsel defines this phenomenon as follows: “Culture fit is about finding the familiar candidate who resembles the current team. With a culture add mindset, the goal is to look for someone who will reflect the company’s values but also bring a different experience or perspective to the table. The former promotes assimilation, the latter enhances creativity and innovation.” During the hiring process, asking from the get-go if a qualified candidate is a culture add or a culture fit helps ingrain in the work culture that we as leaders value unique mindsets. It is additionally important, however, to continue supporting the innovation of these employees after they have been hired.

I once gave a workshop where one of the participants stood up to share his thoughts during the discussion. He said that he had joined the organization a year ago, and soon after he began to cry. He told us that he accepted the position with this organization because during the interview, the organizational representatives told him that they wanted him because he was different, that they felt he had something unique to add because of his perspective and experiences. Once he was hired, however, every time he offered new insight or attempted to challenge the norm, they would brush him off and look at him weirdly. Within a year, he felt isolated and shunned. The value the organization had initially praised of him was now being totally overlooked.

This is the precise situation we want to avoid. Changing our mindsets to embrace “culture add” also means nurturing unique insight after the candidate has been hired. If we don’t maintain this valuation of different perspectives, then we are not truly challenging conformity.

Although this following advice is more indirectly related to conformity, it nonetheless a piece of wisdom I wish to share before we conclude this blog: sharing begets sharing. Challenging conformity means embracing our own individuality. If we are open to our employees about how we engage in covering behaviors, steps we take to reject conformity, and even our process of changing the dominant mindset in the organization itself, people are more likely to find themselves being honest and challenging conformity, too. I have a friend who developed bad arthritis at a young age to the point where she could not type. She remotely managed a global team, and every day she would use speech-to-text to communicate with them. Eventually, despite her fear of judgment, she shared her condition with her team, and the ultimate result was that members of her team proceeded to privately reach out to her and share their own struggles. Her honesty brought the team closer together. Again: sharing begets sharing. When we show the steps we are taking to question the norm, others are more likely to do the same.

And there we have it! Three key ways to identify and begin challenging conformity across organizations. Although this process is a lengthy one, the benefits of embracing new ideas are endless. I hope these tips bring all of us leaders comfort and confidence as we begin the journey of developing conformity cures for our companies!

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Dima Ghawi is the founder of a global talent development company with a primary mission for advancing individuals in leadership. Through keynote speeches, training programs and executive coaching, Dima has empowered thousands of professionals across the globe to expand their leadership potential. In addition, she provides guidance to business executives to develop diversity, equity, and inclusion strategies and to implement a multi-year plan for advancing quality leaders from within the organization.

Reach her at DimaGhawi.com and BreakingVases.com.

3 Tips to Standing Against the Status Quo

I might summarize the ultimate desire of humanity as this: to be loved. To be wanted. To be included. The question then becomes… What sacrifices are we willing to make to achieve that?

Many of us, myself included, choose to conform because of our desire to feel loved and included. In the process of trying to fit in, however, we often lose part of ourselves. We lose what makes us unique, what lets us bring new ideas and perspectives to the table. So I ask all of us: is this loss worth it? In my opinion, no. That is why this blog will break down three tips to help us all challenge conformity. In the past, I have discussed how managers can address conformity bias, but today I want to focus on the individual. What can we as individuals do to counter conformity?

1. The little-by-little strategy

I will be the first to admit that challenging conformity can be frightening. Going against the tide means putting ourselves by default into a position that opposes what is agreed upon by many, from decisions as minor as what we wear to work to as major as discussions on who to hire. As such, my first piece of advice is simple: take it little by little! Starting with small changes helps us avoid becoming overwhelmed in the face of countering the status quo. For example, in a meeting, we may find ourselves disagreeing with the dominant trend of conversation. But outright disagreeing is intimidating, and worse, runs the risk of a consequence many of us loathe—making people uncomfortable. Instead, then, the little-by-little strategy posits that we ask a few questions, perhaps for clarification. By doing so, we can subtly offer a new perspective, one that complements or even redirects the thoughts of the majority, which consequently helps us challenge conformity.

2. Ask yourself: “Why?”

“Why”—a simple question with innumerable important effects. A crucial step to challenging conformity is questioning the systems of thought and behavior that have been handed down to us, and “why” is the ultimate tool. Why does everyone do [x] this way? Why do I believe [y]? Is it because I truly feel that way, or is it because familial, societal, or corporate expectations encourage me to do so? In particular, it is productive to ask “why” when we hear the age-old refrain of well, this is how it’s always been! Yes, but why? Today, we are in a different time and place, both literally and socially. What worked “then” may no longer be helpful now. Why do we abide by thoughts and behaviors of eras long since passed?

Learning to ask “why” was a major aspect of my own personal transformation. I was raised to believe negative things about my identity as a woman, and it wasn’t until I started to ask why those beliefs persisted and who they benefited that I came to truly understand how restrictive those ideas about women were. Asking “why” helped me challenge dominant expectations and make meaningful changes in my life. Simplistic though it may sound, I wouldn’t be who or where I am today if I hadn’t asked “why”!

3. Determine your goals

Questioning the beliefs we have been told throughout life is important to challenging conformity, and so is the follow-up component: determining our own goals. After all, how can we hope to counter conformity if we aren’t confident in our individual dreams, wishes, and desires? Fear not, however—I don’t intend to throw us in the deep end by declaring “determine your goals!” and offering no more.

As a key step to help determine our goals, I recommend creating a list of changemakers that you admire. For example, I admire Malala Yousafzai because of how she challenged the status quo of limited education access for young women and girls around the world. Write down why you admire these people, be it specific elements of their activism or how they present themselves as leaders. In this articulation, we can better identify our own priorities and values, which then helps bring us to a clearer understanding of our own goals.

While creating this list, keep the following in mind: the changemakers we admire likely failed at first. They were likely shunned, isolated, excluded—people probably didn’t like them! But they persevered. They continued to move forward and challenge conformity. In other words, we cannot just consider why we admire their results. What can we admire in their journey, too, that will guide us on our own paths to countering conformity?

And there we have it! Three straightforward tips to help any individual challenge conformity. Standing against the status quo is terrifying, I know, but nothing is more important than embracing what makes us unique. I hope these tips bring you comfort and reassurance as you begin your own journey of challenging conformity!

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Dima Ghawi is the founder of a global talent development company with a primary mission for advancing individuals in leadership. Through keynote speeches, training programs and executive coaching, Dima has empowered thousands of professionals across the globe to expand their leadership potential. In addition, she provides guidance to business executives to develop diversity, equity, and inclusion strategies and to implement a multi-year plan for advancing quality leaders from within the organization.

Reach her at DimaGhawi.com and BreakingVases.com.

Three Tips for Having Respectful Political Discussion in the Workplace

She stood up, tension riddling her shoulders, and began voicing perspectives all but identical to my own. It was clear from the first few sentences that she and I had near-identical political beliefs and values, and yet the more she spoke, the more I found myself feeling uncomfortable and pulling away from her words. 

This particular moment occurred in a workshop I facilitated. As in all my workshops, I encouraged the attendees to speak up and share their own thoughts on the subject at hand, which is precisely what this attendee did. And yet despite our shared values, I grew detached from her perspective. What could have caused this unexpected disconnect?

The answer is simple: she spoke with disregard, or more accurately, she spoke as if everyone in the room already agreed with her, and if anyone disagreed, her body language and tone suggested they were wrong. She repeatedly used negative terms to make her point, and as time passed, I found myself distancing further and further from her.

I believe this experience speaks to the reality of today’s political climate. I hear over and over how people feel frustrated with these disconnects, sharing messages such as “We have never been more divided!” Too often does politics equate to pushing people away, when a healthier environment to cultivate would mean bringing people in. 

Discussing politics in the workplace is especially tricky, as companies often discourage their teams from having these conversations, if not outright forbid them. However, nearly 60% of American employees have discussed politics at work. (And perhaps this percentage may seem low to some of us because of personal experience - I thought it would be higher!) Political conversations at work are happening, so how can we manage them and continue to emphasize respect for others’ views even with the social divisions we are experiencing? While it is perhaps still wisest not to discuss politics at work, it may happen regardless, so let’s walk through some strategies to ensure these conversations occur with respect.

1. Set Conversational Terms

If we cannot outright forbid political conversation, the next best thing is to create positive terms on which these conversations can be engaged. Perhaps what should be prioritized above all else is to ensure that people who are discussing politics want to have such a conversation. When laying down expectations for political discussion, we might consider the following:

• To maintain a healthy work environment, conversations regarding politics are best occurring only between employees who actively want to participate. As such, those of us who are eager to hold conversations about politics should first ask if someone wants to participate in the discussion before we dive in. In doing so, we not only decrease our chances of potential conflict but also demonstrate how we seek to create an environment of respect by acknowledging that not everyone may wish to have political conversations in the first place.

• Similarly, if there is a specific topic some of us don’t feel open to discussing, we might consider saying so explicitly. Outright stating what we are not willing to discuss ensures that anyone potentially making us uncomfortable cannot pretend they were unaware if we find ourselves needing to go to our manager or HR. In the broader sense, laying down the line allows us to better cultivate our own workplace experiences, whether we do or don’t seek to engage in political discussion.

2. Openness & Good Faith

Let’s say we do decide to participate in a discussion regarding politics. All of us are going in with a clear head, and we want to make sure we come out with such temperedness, too! So how can we maintain an atmosphere of respect?

First and foremost, the classic advice is for us to encourage ourselves and our employees to make an effort to understand others’ experiences and how those experiences may have inclined them toward certain political beliefs. But how can we put these words into action? How can we actively try to understand the way a person’s individual experiences shaped their politics? I offer one question—why don’t we ask people, How can I make you feel heard? Perhaps it is a simple question, but it is a powerful one, and someone’s response can go a long way in ensuring we engage in political conversations with empathy and respect.

Additionally, I want to stress the importance of having these conversations in good faith. Instead of pursuing a political discussion as a competition where someone is going to “win” and that arguing is thus inevitable, we might consider approaching with the mentality that everyone here wants to engage in productive, respectful discussion. If we have this mentality, we are more likely to make efforts during conversation to maintain peace, should things begin to go awry.

Before we move on, I also want to note that it is important we don’t assume we’re going to change anyone’s mind. If we push back against the implicit notion that all political discussions are opportunities for conversion and instead embrace them as opportunities for learning, I suspect we’ll find ourselves much more willing to disagree without leading to conflict. In short: bring people in, don’t push them away!

3. Embrace the Unknowing

A key piece of having peaceful political conversations is to get comfortable saying “I don’t know.” After all, it’s okay to not be an expert on something! Speaking personally, I know that I will hold a lot more respect for someone who has the confidence to say, “I don’t know, this is an area I need to research before I can comment” than I would for someone who stubbornly sticks to an incorrect point or repeats a line of reasoning that doesn’t make sense just because it was covered by the media.

Before I conclude, have a piece of bonus advice: in order to facilitate respectful political conversations in the workplace, consider distributing a handbook that includes the above strategies and in general delineates what is and what isn’t appropriate political discussion. For example, the handbook might additionally mention how employees can report an incident on the off chance a conversation gets out of hand. The handbook might also differentiate opinion and hate speech to help protect both their employees’ right to speak their mind and their employees’ right to basic respect and autonomy.

With the strategies outlined above, this type of respect is possible for any and every workplace that seeks to manage political discussions. I would even offer that these tips can apply to all aspects of our lives, from personal to business. For example, whether we are speaking of politics or not, it’s crucial to ensure everyone feels heard and welcome to participate in a conversation. In the story that began this blog, the woman who was so adamantly voicing her opinion in my workshop did not take into consideration how she might make others feel heard even as she stood her ground with her own beliefs. I encourage all of us to go the extra mile: stay true to our values, but using the above strategies, remember to hear and respect the values of others, too.

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Dima Ghawi is the founder of a global talent development company with a primary mission for advancing individuals in leadership. Through keynote speeches, training programs and executive coaching, Dima has empowered thousands of professionals across the globe to expand their leadership potential. In addition, she provides guidance to business executives to develop diversity, equity, and inclusion strategies and to implement a multi-year plan for advancing quality leaders from within the organization.

Reach her at DimaGhawi.com and BreakingVases.com.

DEI Anecdotes: The Connections We Share

When it comes to DEI, I like to encourage self-reflection on the following question: How does this work enhance my life? There are two anecdotes I’d like to share that, in my opinion, speak to this question.

I used to work with a man named John. John was frustrated that the company he was employed with had chosen to start a women’s employee resource group (ERG). “This is reverse discrimination!” he groused on multiple occasions. “Why are women getting so much attention? This is not inclusive to men and not equitable!”

I did my best to get through to him, to explain the concept of “leveling the playing field” and that support for women didn’t mean men were going to be neglected, but no explanation I could offer was enough.

Until, that was, his wife gave birth to a baby girl.

John came to me, eyes wide. Before I had a chance to congratulate him on the new addition to his family, he asked, “Tell me. What can I do to support the women’s ERG?”

I stared at him, equal parts amazed and puzzled. “I’m sorry?”

“I don’t want my daughter to grow up in a world where women are put down just because they’re women,” he explained. “It’s not right.”

Having a daughter allowed the issue of gender discrimination to touch John more deeply, opening his perspective to the importance of DEI and supporting women. While I want to emphasize that we should not necessarily “need” a personal connection in order to care about other people, a personal connection can nonetheless help expose the initial importance of these issues to us. Indeed, “touched” by the issue is the perfect description—after we realize that someone we care for experiences discrimination, the issue now becomes so close to us that it touches our hearts and minds.

A similar experience: I once had a client who was incredibly opposed to LGBTQ+ issues—until his son came out to him, admitting that he had struggled with discrimination all his life and had considered committing suicide multiple times. My client didn’t change his faith after learning this (indeed, no one asked or expected him to), but he did become open to hearing about the challenges faced by the LGBTQ+ community because now he knew that someone dear to him, someone he loved, dealt with those challenges. Once more, the issue touched him because of its closeness to a person he cared about.

I’ll now return to the question that began this section: How does DEI work enhance our lives? How does increasing awareness through DEI save the lives of others? How can DEI bring us to a more equitable, inclusive world? The answers are endless. When we reach out to others, we may find that the importance of DEI lies much closer to us than it first appears.

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Dima Ghawi is the founder of a global talent development company with a primary mission for advancing individuals in leadership. Through keynote speeches, training programs and executive coaching, Dima has empowered thousands of professionals across the globe to expand their leadership potential. In addition, she provides guidance to business executives to develop diversity, equity, and inclusion strategies and to implement a multi-year plan for advancing quality leaders from within the organization.

Reach her at DimaGhawi.com and BreakingVases.com.

DEI Anecdotes: The Words We Say

I’ve noticed that when people are first beginning their DEI journeys, they often become particularly frustrated with the idea of monitoring their language, e.g. to avoid microaggressions. An attendee of one of my workshops approached me in a huff, angered by the possibility that she might offend someone simply by saying Good morning! For those of us who feel frustrated by the idea of another item being loaded onto our plates, my advice is this: lean into close examinations of our language rather than pushing against them. What do I mean? I’ll explain with a short personal story.

When I first moved to the U.S. in 1996, Seinfeld was one of the most popular shows on television. Time after time, I heard praise for how hilarious it was. Finally, in November 2022, I was able to watch it myself. Let me tell you—I was shocked by the inappropriate humor. It felt like every other line of dialogue, someone was the butt of the “joke” because of an element of their identity or personhood that they could not control. At the time, perhaps this was considered “funny,” but today we have come to realize that if “jokes” are hurting someone, they really aren’t jokes at all. And there is true harm incurred by this type of “humor”; when we watch people make fun of others for factors out of their control, this “joke” becomes tacit approval for us to do the same. We, too, can make a “joke” about someone’s identity because It’s normal! Everyone does this! without considering the negative impact those words can have.

One show I absolutely adored when I arrived in the U.S. was Friends. I am not kidding when I say that I bought every single one of the DVDs for each season! At the time, I didn’t see the show as offensive, but just because I didn’t see it as such doesn’t mean it was not. Jennifer Aniston recently commented that today’s humor, compared to when Friends was made, is “a little tricky because you have to be very careful, which makes it really hard for comedians, because the beauty of comedy is that we make fun of ourselves, make fun of life.” But what she doesn’t highlight here is that Friends, like so many shows of its time, also involved making fun of others, and to make fun of others is not true comedy.

Of course, what do my experiences with Seinfeld and Friends have to do with examining our language? Well, it is only through increasing my own awareness regarding discrimination that I have come to realize how my own humor, my own words have hurt people without me realizing. Instead of being wary about if what we say will potentially offend or hurt someone, we should embrace the curiosity about other people and their journeys. To consider the impact of our words before we speak is to show we care about the people around us! What could be a more admirable goal than that?

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Dima Ghawi is the founder of a global talent development company with a primary mission for advancing individuals in leadership. Through keynote speeches, training programs and executive coaching, Dima has empowered thousands of professionals across the globe to expand their leadership potential. In addition, she provides guidance to business executives to develop diversity, equity, and inclusion strategies and to implement a multi-year plan for advancing quality leaders from within the organization.

Reach her at DimaGhawi.com and BreakingVases.com.

DEI Anecdotes: The Importance of Good Faith

In many of my DEI workshops, I like to ask for audience examples of microaggressions, as it helps make these challenges personal. People we work with and respect have been struggling with these very issues, and we may not have known!

One time, a Black woman raised her hand and shared that her neighbor, a white woman, came to visit her. Upon stepping inside the Black woman’s house, her white neighbor amazedly said, “Wow, your house is so clean and neat!” The Black woman was upset, as this comment seemed to suggest that the white woman expected her house would not be clean or neat. Given the long history of antiBlack stereotypes that lambast Black women’s ability to lead and take care of their households, we likely won’t find it difficult to sympathize with her reaction.

The reason I bring up this anecdote is not to contradict or challenge the Black woman’s experiences, but because I feel that I can offer an addendum that will help us think more broadly about engaging in DEI-related conversations: what if her neighbor meant her words as a genuine compliment? Bear in mind that the motivation behind the neighbor’s words does not negate any offense or harm she caused! However, when we discuss DEI, it’s important to remember that we’re all coming in with different levels of experience and knowledge. We’re going to make mistakes, we’re going to slip up, and we might even be anxious and on edge, affecting everything from our language to our actions. And that’s okay! What’s important is that we offer others and ourselves the grace to make mistakes as we also emphasize the obligation to learn from them. Sometimes, it doesn’t hurt to give a person the benefit of the doubt and trust they had good intentions.

So, what if the neighbor did mean her words genuinely? How could she learn from the unintentional harm she caused? To give a broader example: what if we’re discussing the wage gap with a friend we trust and they make an offhand comment about how the real reason the wage gap exists is because women deal with more interruptions resulting from family obligations? As those of us on the receiving end process the hurt these words may have caused us, I think it is also worth pausing to ask ourselves, Did this person intend to cause harm here? Again, intent does not negate consequence, but considering the speaker’s intent can help us determine what our response should be. If we suspect the person we are having this conversation with was engaging in good faith, how can we turn these situations into learning opportunities?

In short, conversations regarding any and every aspect of DEI can be messy. They can be difficult. Ultimately, however, these conversations are worth having, and it is crucial for all of us to remember that people who choose to have these conversations often want to learn more! I invite us to consider the value of an environment where “mess-up” is simply another word for “learning opportunity.”

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Dima Ghawi is the founder of a global talent development company with a primary mission for advancing individuals in leadership. Through keynote speeches, training programs and executive coaching, Dima has empowered thousands of professionals across the globe to expand their leadership potential. In addition, she provides guidance to business executives to develop diversity, equity, and inclusion strategies and to implement a multi-year plan for advancing quality leaders from within the organization.

Reach her at DimaGhawi.com and BreakingVases.com.

DEI Anecdotes: Call People In not Out

One time I was hired as a DEI consultant for male-dominated, majority-white company. Early on in this partnership, I hosted an optional DEI workshop, and I was delighted to see that many of the organization’s employees chose to attend despite that the training was not mandatory. Many of the men there, despite appearing a bit uncomfortable and nervous about the conversations to follow, proved to me by their very presence that they were willing to listen and learn. For that, I could hardly be more grateful.

During the workshop, one of the women in attendance stood up to share an experience related to the discussion at hand. In her narration, she kept referring to a white man that she interacted with as “the white dude.” The more she shared, the more she repeated this term, and the more I could see discomfort rising in the white men who were in attendance at this workshop. The issue here was not necessarily the women’s passionate reaction to her negative experiences—DEI means cultivating honest spaces, including spaces to be open about injustice—but rather that the ultimate goal of DEI is to call people in, not call them out. We want to bring others on board to support DEI, and the reality is that using callous language can ultimately wind up pushing people away. After all, an environment of inclusion is an environment that is inclusive for everyone, even people in dominant social demographics.

To clarify: monitoring the language we use when speaking of people who have access to greater social advantages is not about appeasing them! Rather, it’s about engaging with them on human terms because that is what we are asking in return. As such, “the white dude” might have been better referred to as simply “a/the white man,” as the latter acknowledges the privilege held by his race and gender without the demeaning edge that her tone and use of “dude” might suggest.

Another time, with a different company, I gave a workshop where one attendee was voicing perspectives all but identical to my own. I could tell we shared similar values and beliefs about DEI and the direction the world needed to turn in for societal progress. There was one key difference between us, however: she spoke as if everyone already agreed with her, not caring to bring in those who might be on the fence. Time after time, she used negatives and insulting terms, and the ultimate effect was that I found myself feeling uncomfortable and resisting her comments despite the fact that the core of our values were aligned! Again, it is crucial to think about how we’re delivering messages. Are we bringing people along with us through inclusive language, or are we leaving them behind through insults? Are we building or burning bridges?

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Dima Ghawi is the founder of a global talent development company with a primary mission for advancing individuals in leadership. Through keynote speeches, training programs and executive coaching, Dima has empowered thousands of professionals across the globe to expand their leadership potential. In addition, she provides guidance to business executives to develop diversity, equity, and inclusion strategies and to implement a multi-year plan for advancing quality leaders from within the organization.

Reach her at DimaGhawi.com and BreakingVases.com.

DEI Anecdotes: Question the Language

Many times we may say things simply because we’ve always heard them used. We all have little phrases that are ingrained in our language! However, because these phrases seem so ubiquitous to us, we may not have considered how offensive some terms may be.

During a meeting I once attended, in the midst of busy discussion, a woman chuckled and said, “There’s too many chiefs in here and not enough Indians!”

Oftentimes we don’t pause and ask ourselves where phrases like these come from and who we might be harming when we invoke them. Today, however, right now, we’re going to pause and reflect on this phrase. From the start, we can see that this phrase contains an offensive misnomer: “Indians” has not and has never been an accurate term for the indigenous peoples of America; “Indigenous” and “Native” are typically more accepted nomenclature. Secondly, this phrase creates an implicit hierarchy, where placing Native people as “lower” than a chief suggests that non-indigenous peoples belong in positions of power and indigenous people belong as subordinates.

So why do I highlight these linguistic details? For starters, it’s certainly not to shame the woman who uttered these words! Many if not all of us have unconsciously used words and phrases that may hurt others. The key here is that we must reflect on the phrases that have been passed down to us through generations, often by figures of authority, and question if they perpetuate exclusion. If they do, a turning point offers itself to us, where we can choose not to use these phrases and instead be more inclusive in our dialogue. By doing so, we become one step closer to creating more inclusive environments for everyone!

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Dima Ghawi is the founder of a global talent development company with a primary mission for advancing individuals in leadership. Through keynote speeches, training programs and executive coaching, Dima has empowered thousands of professionals across the globe to expand their leadership potential. In addition, she provides guidance to business executives to develop diversity, equity, and inclusion strategies and to implement a multi-year plan for advancing quality leaders from within the organization.

Reach her at DimaGhawi.com and BreakingVases.com.

DEI Anecdotes: Two Energies - Inclusion vs Exclusion

I don’t think it’s an overstatement to say that all of us want to be included. What’s more human than the desire to feel loved and wanted? In all my work around the world, I have never met someone who did not seek to feel included. A crucial part of this inclusion, however, is opening ourselves up to including others. Multiple times have I seen people claiming to support inclusive practices before following it with a stipulation: “I support inclusion of everyone except…”

For example, after a DEI keynote I gave, an attendee came up to speak to me. “I am a woman of faith,” she admitted, “but I understand that LGBT individuals are born the way they are. It’s not a choice.”

Truth be told, I was stunned by her reaction. Although perhaps her language wasn’t perfect, what a breath of fresh air to hear some inner peace between faith and the existence of the LGBTQ+ community!

Then she continued: “But I don’t think they should have sex. They should all be asexual*.”

And just like that, my heart shattered. Why should she, I wondered, try to police someone else’s life? Why should any of us try to tell other people how to live their lives?

The short and sweet answer, of course, is that we don’t have such authority. It’s easy to think that everyone needs to live “like us,” but insisting that all people need to orient their lives a certain way ultimately creates exclusion, as it suppresses cultural variation, political variation, varieties of sexual orientation, and much, much more. All we can control in life is ourselves. We can only make our own choices. How can we judge others for living differently than us when the truth is that everyone lives differently from everyone else? Those differences are part of the innate beauty of the world!

In a similar experience, I was once working with a company to implement new DEI initiatives. At this organization, there was a man of color who was incredibly supportive of DEI. He actually became chair of the organization’s DEI Council! I found myself greatly admiring his drive and dedication to his DEI work. He was passionate about equity, wanted to increase awareness about struggles faced by diverse communities, and simply sought to create an environment inclusive for all.

Except the LGBTQ+ community. Any and all DEI discussions were encouraged, except for those related to the LGBTQ+ community.

What is more saddening than seeing someone so passionate about creating inclusion and yet simultaneously still perpetuates exclusionary principles? Inclusion does not truly exist when there are certain “exceptions”; the definition itself prevents it. To be included, we must be inclusive. We cannot judge others and expect that others won’t do the same for us! It’s the golden rule, through and through: treat others the way you want to be treated. If we seek to achieve inclusion for all, we must mean all, not “all” with an asterisk. Acceptance has no exceptions!

*Although this woman meant that she believed members of the LGBTQ+ community should permanently abstain from sex when she said “asexual,” I would like to offer a link to a brief article from the Trevor Project on asexuality, which is a distinct sexual orientation part of the LGBTQ+ community.

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Dima Ghawi is the founder of a global talent development company with a primary mission for advancing individuals in leadership. Through keynote speeches, training programs and executive coaching, Dima has empowered thousands of professionals across the globe to expand their leadership potential. In addition, she provides guidance to business executives to develop diversity, equity, and inclusion strategies and to implement a multi-year plan for advancing quality leaders from within the organization.

Reach her at DimaGhawi.com and BreakingVases.com.

DEI Anecdotes: Have Fun with It!

If there is anything I have learned in all my work with DEI, it is that all of us take DEI so seriously. This observation is not to say that DEI isn’t a serious topic—it is, because it affects the life and well-being of people everywhere—but simply to offer that instead of getting angry or offended when we have our biases challenged, we should have fun with it! Personally, I have come to love catching my biases. It gives me a chance to laugh at myself, learn from my assumptions, and do better next time I encounter a similar situation. Allow me to share a silly anecdote:

After being a vegetarian for years, I recently started eating meat again. Lo and behold, a butcher opened up shop near my home—“ecstatic” doesn’t do justice to my excitement! I was practically drooling at the thought of being able to buy and prepare a meal with fresh local meat. So, I decided to go check the shop out. As I was driving over, I found myself painting a picture of the butcher in my mind based on cartoons I saw growing up, shows like Tom and Jerry: a big white guy in his 50s, probably balding but wearing a hat, enclothed in an apron spattered with smears and bloodstains. Pretty traditional depiction of a butcher, right?

When I got to the shop, I had to do a double take: where I expected to see a large man with a big belly, before me stood a petite young Asian woman wearing a crisp and clean apron! And you know what? My biases jumped out. I found myself wondering, Can I really trust her with decisions about the meat I want to buy? all because my unconscious biases constructed a specific image of a butcher that this woman’s lived experience did not conform to. Instead of feeling bad or guilty about my assumptions, though, I could laugh at myself! I was able to catch how social programming has taught me to expect butchers to look a certain way. And guess what? I bought an amazing piece of meat, and the butcher even gave me recommendations for how to cook it. Challenged my biases, met someone new, had a wonderful meal—all in a day’s work for those of us dedicated to DEI!

To sum it up: let’s take a deep breath, trust our good intentions, and enjoy the DEI journey.

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Dima Ghawi is the founder of a global talent development company with a primary mission for advancing individuals in leadership. Through keynote speeches, training programs and executive coaching, Dima has empowered thousands of professionals across the globe to expand their leadership potential. In addition, she provides guidance to business executives to develop diversity, equity, and inclusion strategies and to implement a multi-year plan for advancing quality leaders from within the organization.

Reach her at DimaGhawi.com and BreakingVases.com.

DEI > HR

DEI = Human Resources. Such is an equation many of us have grown accustomed to, and perhaps for an understandable reason! DEI is, after all, a key component of HR, from diverse hiring to the retention of diverse employees. However, DEI does not have to be limited to only HR departments! What about diverse advertising in Marketing, or pay equity audits in Finance? With that capacious perspective toward DEI in mind, let’s go through a quick list of some general DEI best practices that apply to all departments, regardless of their organizational concentration:

1. Include closed captions/subtitles for virtual meetings and videos.

2. Demonstrate how to use pronoun options for virtual meetings, e.g. Zoom.

3. Through IT, offer name pronunciation audio features for virtual meetings and e-signature software.

4. For written content, offer audio versions; ensure there is high contrast between the text and background colors; use easy-to-read fonts (such as dyslexic-friendly typefaces); and avoid regional turns of phrases that may not be understandable to all employees.

5. Remember RASCI: Who is responsible (responsibility for particular tasks); accountable (accountability for particular tasks, such as having the final say); supportive (the support network, e.g. providing resources to complete a particular task); consulted (offers advice with regard to decisions); and informed (maintains communication). When it comes to DEI, RASCI helps ensure that a) diverse people have not been overlooked for projects and b) diverse people are not primarily or only placed in supportive roles (rather than having the authority of “R” and “A”). When in doubt, apply RASCI!

And there we have it—multiple ways departments beyond HR can implement DEI into their daily workings. As we can see, there’s no shortage of opportunities! No matter what department one works in, DEI will inevitably help the entire organization flourish.

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Dima Ghawi is the founder of a global talent development company with a primary mission for advancing individuals in leadership. Through keynote speeches, training programs and executive coaching, Dima has empowered thousands of professionals across the globe to expand their leadership potential. In addition, she provides guidance to business executives to develop diversity, equity, and inclusion strategies and to implement a multi-year plan for advancing quality leaders from within the organization.

Reach her at DimaGhawi.com and BreakingVases.com.

Implementing DEI in the Legal Department

DEI goes hand in hand with Human Resources. A statement of fact, no? Well, I think we push the envelope a little further. After all, people run every department, meaning diversity, equity, and inclusion are always relevant. Let’s consider… Legal!

Implementing DEI into legal departments may seem glaringly obvious—just have a diverse team of lawyers at hand, right? Well, while diversity on the level of one’s team is certainly crucial, the incorporation of DEI into legal affairs can expand much further!

That sounds well and good, you may be thinking, but where do I begin?

A great question! Wolkters Kluwer offers the following starting point for Chief Legal Officers: “Start by interviewing the stakeholders. Ask your attorneys how they are making their assignments. Ask law firms whether they have diversity data and are willing to report it. If not, ask why and find out how you can help them change that policy.” Completing these steps helps ground an organization’s legal department in DEI from the get-go and moreover asserts to the law firms they may potentially work with that DEI is a make-or-break factor. Beyond this start, here are a few more tips for implementing DEI into the legal aspects of one’s organization:

1. When outsourcing legal matters, consider the diversity of law firms and legal service providers.

2. Develop measurable DEI goals. When doing so, create accountability metrics for providers, such as “the implementation of a certification system for hiring and promotion.” Deloitte explains that “[o]ne example of a certification in the legal field ‘measures whether an organization has affirmatively considered at least 30% women, attorneys of color, LGBTQ+, and lawyers with disabilities for leadership and governance roles, such as equity partner promotions, formal client pitch opportunities, and senior lateral positions.’” Such certification helps ensure organizational commitment to DEI beyond HR. (Even though this type of certification is specific to the legal side of business, wouldn’t it be amazing to include such accountability for all fields?)

3. Gather and maintain diversity data within one’s own department as well as any law firms the organization works with. Specifically, create a dedicated staff to “continuously check on diversity information gathered and call firms to follow up where data is missing.”

As with Human Resources, implementing DEI strategies into Legal departments is only as challenging as we let it be. With regular monitoring of DEI metrics and an emphasis on diverse certification, maintaining an environment of diversity and inclusion is easier than ever!

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Dima Ghawi is the founder of a global talent development company with a primary mission for advancing individuals in leadership. Through keynote speeches, training programs and executive coaching, Dima has empowered thousands of professionals across the globe to expand their leadership potential. In addition, she provides guidance to business executives to develop diversity, equity, and inclusion strategies and to implement a multi-year plan for advancing quality leaders from within the organization.

Reach her at DimaGhawi.com and BreakingVases.com.

Implementing DEI in Procurement

A Chief Procurement Officer sits at their desk, examining a lengthy list of potential suppliers to create ties with. The term “DEI” often comes with an implicit connection to Human Resources, but the truth is that DEI initiatives are beneficial to any department. Numerous studies suggest that supplier diversity in Procurement, for example, enhances innovation, expands access to new demographics, and improves flexibility. But where to begin?

Fortunately, implementing DEI into Procurement is not as intimidating a task as it sounds, hand over my heart! Here are a few tips for incorporating DEI strategies to improve supplier diversity:

1. First and foremost, identify what groups of diverse suppliers to work with on particular projects (e.g. women, people of color, veterans, people with disabilities, etc.). A good rule of thumb to classify a supplier as diverse is if they are “at least 51% diverse owned” and/or if they “have a certification attesting to their diversity.”

2. Beyond working with diverse suppliers, it is crucial that the consideration and requirements section of an organization’s procurement policy explicitly include “guidelines for engaging diverse suppliers.” Not only does this inclusion create intra-organizational accountability for working with diverse suppliers, but it demonstrates to other corporations how this organization prioritizes DEI.

3. Track the following key performance indicators: “How many diverse/local/small businesses were contacted; How many of those businesses submitted an RFP; How many of those businesses won their RFP; [and] What the contracts won were worth.” Monitoring these KPIs helps ensure an organization is working equitably with all of their suppliers and not unwittingly prioritizing some over others.

4. Lastly, work with suppliers that similarly prioritize DEI. Just because a potential supplier is not themself diverse doesn’t mean they don’t work with diverse organizations! Create a supplier chain that emphasizes the importance of DEI.

Still unsure where to start? SupplyShift recommends that “[t]ools like supplier.io and Tealbook provide databases of suppliers (including diverse suppliers) for businesses to build new relationships with. Companies can also attend diverse supplier events or join organizations like the National Minority Supplier Development Council for resources and peer learning opportunities.” Diverse, equitable, and inclusive procurement is therefore easily attainable, so long as one is willing to put in the effort for it!

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Dima Ghawi is the founder of a global talent development company with a primary mission for advancing individuals in leadership. Through keynote speeches, training programs and executive coaching, Dima has empowered thousands of professionals across the globe to expand their leadership potential. In addition, she provides guidance to business executives to develop diversity, equity, and inclusion strategies and to implement a multi-year plan for advancing quality leaders from within the organization.

Reach her at DimaGhawi.com and BreakingVases.com.

Implementing DEI in Finance and Accounting

The wage gap remains as present today as it did in the 1950s, albeit to lesser severity. Women working full time are still paid on average “just 83 cents to every dollar earned by men,” and the numbers are even lower for Black and Latina women. As such, the importance of DEI within Finance and Accounting departments cannot be overstated. Let’s walk through a few ways to implement DEI through various financial operations:

1. Conduct a pay audit to improve pay equity, just like in the example. After all, you can’t fix a problem you aren’t aware of! Are people of particular demographics being paid less overall? If so, why? Is there an imbalance in promotion opportunities for people of majority versus minority groups? In the vein of the above example, are some people getting paid significantly less for doing effectively the same job as another person?

2. When compiling the annual financial report for shareholders, include a section about demographics, DEI statistics related to pay, and so forth. To do so is not only to ensure financial information regarding DEI is being monitored, but also to demonstrate to shareholders the significance of DEI to the organization as a whole.

3. Post pay ranges/pay rates in job postings and internally for prospective candidates and current employees to see. Not only will this help maintain pay equity through informational transparency, but to not be open about this information may give the wrong impression, as candidates may wonder if the choice not to be open about pay rates is because an organization has inequity they seek to hide.

4. Although most organizations no longer pay monthly, it is nonetheless important to emphasize that “[w]eekly or biweekly payroll frequency is the most equitable pay frequency.” Many people work paycheck to paycheck, therefore minimizing the time between each paycheck offers greater financial stability for employees.

Eliminating the wage gap, is not about docking a man’s pay to put him on the same level as a woman. It’s about recognizing when two people are doing similar amounts of labor to near-identical ends and compensating them fairly for that work!

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Dima Ghawi is the founder of a global talent development company with a primary mission for advancing individuals in leadership. Through keynote speeches, training programs and executive coaching, Dima has empowered thousands of professionals across the globe to expand their leadership potential. In addition, she provides guidance to business executives to develop diversity, equity, and inclusion strategies and to implement a multi-year plan for advancing quality leaders from within the organization.

Reach her at DimaGhawi.com and BreakingVases.com.