I might summarize the ultimate desire of humanity as this: to be loved. To be wanted. To be included. The question then becomes… What sacrifices are we willing to make to achieve that?
Many of us, myself included, choose to conform because of our desire to feel loved and included. In the process of trying to fit in, however, we often lose part of ourselves. We lose what makes us unique, what lets us bring new ideas and perspectives to the table. So I ask all of us: is this loss worth it? In my opinion, no. That is why this blog will break down three tips to help us all challenge conformity. In the past, I have discussed how managers can address conformity bias, but today I want to focus on the individual. What can we as individuals do to counter conformity?
1. The little-by-little strategy
I will be the first to admit that challenging conformity can be frightening. Going against the tide means putting ourselves by default into a position that opposes what is agreed upon by many, from decisions as minor as what we wear to work to as major as discussions on who to hire. As such, my first piece of advice is simple: take it little by little! Starting with small changes helps us avoid becoming overwhelmed in the face of countering the status quo. For example, in a meeting, we may find ourselves disagreeing with the dominant trend of conversation. But outright disagreeing is intimidating, and worse, runs the risk of a consequence many of us loathe—making people uncomfortable. Instead, then, the little-by-little strategy posits that we ask a few questions, perhaps for clarification. By doing so, we can subtly offer a new perspective, one that complements or even redirects the thoughts of the majority, which consequently helps us challenge conformity.
2. Ask yourself: “Why?”
“Why”—a simple question with innumerable important effects. A crucial step to challenging conformity is questioning the systems of thought and behavior that have been handed down to us, and “why” is the ultimate tool. Why does everyone do [x] this way? Why do I believe [y]? Is it because I truly feel that way, or is it because familial, societal, or corporate expectations encourage me to do so? In particular, it is productive to ask “why” when we hear the age-old refrain of well, this is how it’s always been! Yes, but why? Today, we are in a different time and place, both literally and socially. What worked “then” may no longer be helpful now. Why do we abide by thoughts and behaviors of eras long since passed?
Learning to ask “why” was a major aspect of my own personal transformation. I was raised to believe negative things about my identity as a woman, and it wasn’t until I started to ask why those beliefs persisted and who they benefited that I came to truly understand how restrictive those ideas about women were. Asking “why” helped me challenge dominant expectations and make meaningful changes in my life. Simplistic though it may sound, I wouldn’t be who or where I am today if I hadn’t asked “why”!
3. Determine your goals
Questioning the beliefs we have been told throughout life is important to challenging conformity, and so is the follow-up component: determining our own goals. After all, how can we hope to counter conformity if we aren’t confident in our individual dreams, wishes, and desires? Fear not, however—I don’t intend to throw us in the deep end by declaring “determine your goals!” and offering no more.
As a key step to help determine our goals, I recommend creating a list of changemakers that you admire. For example, I admire Malala Yousafzai because of how she challenged the status quo of limited education access for young women and girls around the world. Write down why you admire these people, be it specific elements of their activism or how they present themselves as leaders. In this articulation, we can better identify our own priorities and values, which then helps bring us to a clearer understanding of our own goals.
While creating this list, keep the following in mind: the changemakers we admire likely failed at first. They were likely shunned, isolated, excluded—people probably didn’t like them! But they persevered. They continued to move forward and challenge conformity. In other words, we cannot just consider why we admire their results. What can we admire in their journey, too, that will guide us on our own paths to countering conformity?
And there we have it! Three straightforward tips to help any individual challenge conformity. Standing against the status quo is terrifying, I know, but nothing is more important than embracing what makes us unique. I hope these tips bring you comfort and reassurance as you begin your own journey of challenging conformity!
Dima Ghawi is the founder of a global talent development company with a primary mission for advancing individuals in leadership. Through keynote speeches, training programs and executive coaching, Dima has empowered thousands of professionals across the globe to expand their leadership potential. In addition, she provides guidance to business executives to develop diversity, equity, and inclusion strategies and to implement a multi-year plan for advancing quality leaders from within the organization.
Reach her at DimaGhawi.com and BreakingVases.com.
