The ever increasing recognition of the importance of diversity and inclusion (D&I) in the workplace comes with an expectation that we as individuals should know how to participate in and encourage inclusive conversations. ‘But that’s overwhelming!’ some of us might fret. ‘I want to get this right, but where should I start?’ Fear not—terrifying as this communication may seem, fostering inclusive dialogue is a task any of us can accomplish, whether we’re experts in D&I or just dipping our toes in the water for the first time.
In this blog, I will offer straightforward advice on how to hold inclusive conversations, from internal self-reflection to tips on what we should avoid. I will also have a special section specifically dedicated to responding to microaggressions, as a culture of inclusion means one of welcome and respect for all, which microaggressions actively work against. That’s a lot to cover, so let’s dive right in!
To foster inclusive dialogue, here are some strategies to keep in mind and apply where appropriate:
What to Ask Ourselves
In conversations with others, how many times do I speak? For how long? Am I dominating the conversation?
Am I inviting others to share their insight?
In what ways does my presence contribute to the sense of safety within this group, such as how comfortable someone else feels to voice their opinion around me?
Am I being respectful to other participants by validating and appreciating the different experiences they have shared during this conversation?
Have I been clear about my own boundaries? Am I respecting the boundaries of others regarding what they feel comfortable disclosing?
What to Say to and Ask Others
I encourage you to correct me when I make a mistake.
I’m not the right audience for this subject.
Based on what you have told me, I believe we share [x].
Based on what you have told me, I believe we have different perspectives on [x].
I don’t think we’re at a point of mutual understanding yet. How can we get there?
What do you mean when you say [x]?
I struggle to hold that sentiment because I believe [x].
Would you mind walking me through your thought process regarding [x]?
What to Avoid
Only halfway listening to a conversation.
Dominating a conversation.
Overplaying the “devil’s advocate (conversations will inevitably stall if someone tries to argue or counter too much).
Asserting that our opinions = facts.
Disregarding the assumptions and mental shortcuts in our own thinking.
Being silent in the presence of a rude or irresponsible comment (see the microaggressions section at the end of this article!).
Engaging in Inclusive Conversations
REMEMBER: Communication is a constant! Verbal, nonverbal—from our words to our bodies, we are always saying something.
Begin where others currently are, not where we want or think they “should” be.
Be curious!
But when we ask questions, listen to the responses we receive to learn, not to have a debate.
Know that we can only speak for ourselves and our own experiences.
Reflect on the information we are hearing to avoid distorting someone’s words. (Never be afraid to double-check for understanding.)
Last but not least, pay attention to how others react to our statements. Invite them to challenge our perspectives, helping us all grow!
Though engaging in inclusive conversations may seem like an intimidating prospect, the truth is that fostering inclusive dialogue is a skill like any other. The more we do it, the better we’ll get! And I believe there is little more important than the intentional acts of checking ourselves, self-reflecting, and searching for ways to implement inclusion in every aspect of our lives.
But what do we do when someone, intentionally or not, seeks to hinder our inclusive conversations through the insertion of microaggressions?
All of us have likely been in a situation where we have witnessed a microaggression. During those situations, perhaps we didn’t know what to do, what to say, or how to react. And that hesitancy is understandable! Microaggressions bring discomfort, but if we don’t resolve those tensions, our efforts toward fostering inclusive dialogue will grind to a halt before we have traveled very far. Fortunately, today we’re going to review 12 simple strategies on how we can respond to microaggressions. Let’s dive right in!
1. Remind the individual about organizational policy.
“Maybe you didn’t know, but comments like that are against the code of conduct.”
2. Ask the individual for clarification.
“Could you explain what you meant when you said she’s too pretty to be an engineer?”
3. Present a lack of understanding, such as in response to a rude joke.
“I must be missing something. Why is this funny?”
4. Apply humor.
“‘He plays like a girl’? Like Simone Biles? Venus Williams? Billie Jean King? You’ve gotta be more specific!”
5. Remind the individual they know better.
“Oh, please. I know you’re too smart to say something so unfounded.”
6. Appeal to the individual’s principles.
“I know you really care about promoting respect in this office. Those comments about her weight, though, undermine your goals.”
7. Challenge stereotypes, such as offering alternate perspectives.
“In my experience, most young people don’t have their hands glued to their phone, especially when it comes to serious matters.”
8. Express your own feelings.
“I feel isolated and ignored when you brush off my comments during board meetings, especially as the only Black woman in the room. I appreciate that you start giving me a chance to speak.”
9. Encourage empathy, such as asking the individual how they might feel if a similar comment/action was directed toward them.
“They’ve asked to be called Mona. How would you feel if someone kept calling you ‘Jesse’ instead of ‘Alex’ even when you asked them not to?”
10. Separate intent and impact.
“I know you didn’t mean it this way, but you joking about Shun needing to work for IT instead of HR was hurtful because that’s not what he studied to do.”
11. Share your own process with the individual.
“I noticed that you refused to introduce yourself with your pronouns. I used to not see the point, either, but then I learned that stating our pronouns is an easy tactic to ensure others know how to refer to us in our preferred way.”
12. Remind the individual “what’s in it for them,” such as explaining how diversity and inclusion are beneficial for everyone.
“The world is full of all kinds of people! When better to learn how to navigate and appreciate those differences than right now?”
And there we have it! 12 straightforward ways to respond to microaggressions, because a fundamental element of fostering inclusive dialogue is defusing tensions before they can combust, and countering microaggressions therefore becomes a crucial part. An inclusive conversation will fail from the start if we allow subtle comments that reinforce bias and stereotypes to go unchecked.
All of us are now aware of practical tips we can apply to any conversation to help foster inclusive dialogue, from questions to ask ourselves to strategies for addressing microaggressions. That’s right—engaging in inclusive conversations is a goal well within our reach!
(Adapted from the University of Illinois and from the University of Oregon’s School of Law.)
Dima Ghawi is the founder of a global talent development company with a primary mission for advancing individuals in leadership. Through keynote speeches, training programs and executive coaching, Dima has empowered thousands of professionals across the globe to expand their leadership potential. In addition, she provides guidance to business executives to develop diversity, equity, and inclusion strategies and to implement a multi-year plan for advancing quality leaders from within the organization.
Reach her at DimaGhawi.com and BreakingVases.com.
