🎭 Breaking the Workplace Drama Cycle 🎭

Picture this: two coworkers, their boss, and a workplace disagreement that involves a whole lot of moping, reassuring, demanding, deflecting, and disagreeing—any of those behaviors sound familiar? (I know quite a few of them resonate with my own experiences!)

These behaviors—and many more—are emblematic of a particularly common conflict dynamic: the Drama Triangle. Developed by psychiatrist Stephen B. Karpman in 1968, the Drama Triangle describes a frequent triangulation of three roles in the daily conflicts that people around the world face in their personal and work lives. These roles are the Rescuer, Persecutor, and Victim, and today we’re going to walk down three linked paths to find out what the Drama Triangle is, how it happens, and two key alternatives that can foster more productive workplace dynamics! Ready to read on?

The Drama Triangle

As we move on to discuss each individual role in the Drama Triangle, bear in mind the triangular nature of these roles—the Persecutor, Victim, and Rescuer are deeply connected, and to understand them all we must also understand how they feed into one another!

Persecutors (also known as Villains) are all about control, from constantly blaming and criticizing others to acting superior and self-righteous. A common phrase you’ll hear from this corner of the Drama Triangle is, “This is all your fault!” The role of the Persecutor thus centers on finding fault with others “while feeling the need to step in and dominate to set things right.” 

Victims, in contrast, feel powerless, entirely at the mercy of the whims of the world and the people around them. They’re stuck in a perpetual state of indecision, and they typically struggle with problem-solving, meaning a common phrase you’ll hear from this corner of the Drama Triangle is, “Woe is me!” (Or a more modern version of this phrase, such as, “I can’t do this.”) At their core, Victims see themselves “as a victim of circumstances” and tend to “complain a lot without taking productive action.” 

Lastly, Rescuers (also known as Heroes) tend to be people who dislike tension and/or don’t want to see others upset, leading them to jump in and try to “fix” the problem at hand. While the Rescuer role doesn’t sound inherently terrible at first glance, the primary issue here is that Rescuers are not offering true solutions. Instead, they’re generally just trying to make the Victim feel better, trying to make the conflict go away, etc., and through this behavior unwittingly “keep Victims dependent [e.g. unable to help themselves] and neglect their own [the Rescuers’] needs.” 

Regardless of what role a person occupies in the Drama Triangle, they ultimately do so because they get gratification out of it: “The Persecutor/Villain may like exercising power, whereas the Victim gets to shift responsibility. And the Rescuer/Hero receives a sense of satisfaction for helping.”

Note that these roles all have one key commonality: each involves an individual seeking to avoid accountability! The Victim and Persecutor both blame others for a given problem, and even the Rescuer seeks to deflect true accountability by providing a superficial, temporary solution.

How It Happens

People unconsciously flock to these roles in the Drama Triangle because they are familiar and sufficient—though not healthy—strategies that we can easily employ to manage anxiety and fear during everyday conflicts. In other words, we benefit (or rather, we think we do) by occupying a role in the Drama Triangle, hence why so many conflicts lead to individuals morphing into one or more of these roles. The latter element of that statement is crucial—depending on how the tide of a conflict turns, people’s roles in the Drama Triangle will shift based on what angle will be most beneficial in leading to a positive resolution for them!

For example, if a Rescuer begins to feel unappreciated for all of the help they provide, they may begin shifting into a Victim role—“Why does no one ever look after me?”

Alternatively, if a Rescuer begins to feel frustrated and angry at how others have ignored their help, they may begin shifting into a Persecutor role—“You don’t appreciate anything I’ve done for you!”

The Drama Triangle can begin with a person feeling victimized, causing them to choose a Persecutor to blame. Another common origin is that a Persecutor may lash out at a person because of pent-up frustration (creating a Victim in the process). In either scenario, a Rescuer is likely to step in and attempt to tone down the dispute by providing temporary relief, either assuaging the Victim’s sense of helplessness or making an effort to help the Persecutor calm down.

So now we know what the Drama Triangle is and how it can manifest—but what we can do about it? Are there any alternatives we should turn to?

Alternative #1: Winner’s Triangle

Developed in 1990 by Acey Choy, the Winner’s Triangle shifts the roles Drama Triangle into three alternatives: the Persecutor becomes Assertive, the Victim becomes Vulnerable, and the Rescuer becomes Caring. But what do these shifts entail on a practical level?

When a Persecutor becomes Assertive, they’re choosing to ask for what they want instead of demanding it. Additionally, embodying assertiveness means learning how to politely—but firmly!—say “no” to what we don’t want (rather than angrily lambasting others); providing constructive—not cruel—feedback to those who request or need it; and taking positive action to resolve a situation we dislike (rather than resorting to shouting and insults). 

When a Victim becomes Vulnerable, they’re choosing to seek assistance when they need it rather than wallowing in helplessness or self-pity. For example, vulnerability might include confiding in friends and family about our struggles (without expecting them to magically resolve said struggles) or reaching out to a therapist for professional assistance. 

Lastly, when a Rescuer becomes Caring, they’re choosing to show respect to others, e.g. engaging in thoughtful discussion and validating their emotions without attempting to shoulder the burden of “fixing” the problem themself. This transition is not to suggest that we can no longer help others when we choose to embody care, but rather that becoming Caring involves assisting people with finding a long-term solution, not providing a temporary “cure” that is merely a band-aid on a gaping wound. 

Importantly, all three of these alternative roles involve taking responsibility for our own emotions, troubles, problems, and so forth, rather than ignoring them or hoisting them onto others. In doing so, we all win, hence the name of this triangle!

Alternative #2: The Empowerment Dynamic

Developed by David Emerald, the Empowerment Dynamic (TED)—similar to the Winner’s Triangle—seeks to shift the roles in the Drama Triangle to more positive and constructive positions. In TED, the Persecutor becomes a Challenger, the Victim becomes a Creator, and the Rescuer becomes a Coach. If it wasn’t obvious already, TED is specifically geared around shifting the Drama Triangle toward healthy workplace roles, so let’s jump right in!

When the Persecutor becomes a Challenger, they refuse to deflect accountability and arbitrarily assign blame during conflicts, instead choosing to “‘consciously build… others up, encouraging them to also learn and grow, despite difficult situations.’” In other words, a Challenger centers their efforts in providing healthy pressure to others (especially Creators), supporting individuals as they deal with struggles in their lives and guiding them toward a breakthrough. Think of a Challenger as someone who provides constructive but never needlessly critical feedback! 

When the Victim becomes a Creator, they claim agency in their life, “embrac[ing] ‘what inspires them’ and becom[ing] focused on solutions and outcomes, not the weight of challenges holding them back.” Becoming a Creator is all about a shift in perspective—not ignoring the reality that life can be difficult, but instead also recognizing that we’ve all got a hand on the wheel that is our life and thus we have a responsibility to at least try to steer things in the direction we want to go. 

Lastly, when the Rescuer becomes a Coach, they learn to push aside the instinct to constantly provide temporary “fixes” that perpetuate cycles of victimization and persecution, instead offering genuine support to Creators and Challengers. This support will of course manifest differently depending on context, but broadly speaking, a Coach employs “‘the art of inquiry, curiosity, and deep listening to support others in discovering what is best for themselves.’” Think of a Coach as someone who not just knows how to discover a silver lining in every cloud but also knows how to give pointers toward making a silver lining stretch across the entire sky! 

In short: the Challenger says, “You can do it!”; the Creator says, “I can do it!”; and the Coach asks, “How will you do it?” Without all three roles positively twining together, individuals run the risk of remaining stagnant!

To conclude, Drama Triangles in the workplace often—though not always—originate from a lack of communication, and in turn these negative roles can be perpetuated by organizational culture if not noticed soon enough. Leaders caught up in the Drama Triangle might “guide” their employee with an iron fist (Persecutor), become overwhelmed by their responsibilities but not seek assistance (Victim), or micromanage their employees to “solve” the problem at hand (Rescuer), all of which can ultimately hinder team and organizational collaboration, innovation, and growth. As such, countering the Drama Triangle with either the Winner’s Triangle or the Empowerment Dynamic is crucial to ensuring a healthier, more functional workplace for everyone!

What are we waiting for? We have new roles to try out for! Forgive my sense of humor, but I’m feeling a bit like a Coach today—what about you?

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Dima Ghawi is the founder of a global talent development company with a primary mission for advancing individuals in leadership. Through keynote speeches, training programs and executive coaching, Dima has empowered thousands of professionals across the globe to expand their leadership potential. In addition, she provides guidance to business executives to develop diversity, equity, and inclusion strategies and to implement a multi-year plan for advancing quality leaders from within the organization. Reach her at DimaGhawi.com and BreakingVases.com.